Homework Assignment - writing for 15 to 30 minutes. Hmmm...how to even start this post. I'm trying to make some significant changes in my life. You'll probably see those exact words in a post I wrote a year ago. A sense of failure floods through me as I think back to my last post on this blog which was literally one year ago...just after the new year of 2012. Here we are in 2013 and I'm professing the same things. I want change. I want fitness. I want happiness. I want peace. NOne of those things will come to me until I acknowledge that I'm worthy of them. I can say it..."I am worthy of living a life of happiness, a life of fitness and peace." But to believe it in my heart enough to claim those things for myself...well, that's proven to be more of a challenge than I ever thought it would be.
Over the course of my previous weightloss efforts, I was really focused on the numbers. That's an important thing in an attempt to lose weight. Losing weight really is a matter of doing some simple math. Expend more than you intake. Simple right? Well, I suppose it could be if you're not one of millions of men and women who have food related behaviors that revolve around emotional stimulation. To say "I'm an emotional eater" could easily be misinterpreted. Yes, I eat when I'm experiencing various emotions. Sadness and anxiety are two emotions I've recently become aware of as significant triggers for me. I do so much distracting with food. If I eat something, I don't have to think about "this or that". What are the "this and that?" I'm not sure.
SO, here is where I say that every pound I lost in my "Starting My 45th Year" blog has returned and they brought LOTS of friends with them. I've been working with a counselor that is helping me on the emotional part of it and I've been learning new skills to put to use. Clearly until I address this aspect of my relationship with food, the weight won't stay off. SO....here's to learning skills and putting them into practice! Lots of baby steps ahead of me. I know in my logical mind that I am worthy...it's convincing my emotional mind that I am. And in case you didn't notice, I've changed my blog name. Clearly it wasn't a matter of a year of hard work to lose weight and be done. This really is about a journey of finding my "life worth living" therefore the new blog title is "Living Live...Conquering Challenges."
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