Finding My Voice

Those who know me might find it hard to believe that I often struggle to find my voice.  I'm not exactly a shy person so I find it easy to meet new people and usually get along fairly well in a crowd.  It's not necessarily where I want to find myself, but I can get by.  What people may not know (or maybe they do and I'm the one who is oblivious) is that when I'm making plans to spend time with someone, I more often than not will try to find out what THEY want to do, where THEY want to go, what THEY want to eat. 

I've found myself in relationships with people who would have a similar approach and then it would turn into ..."oh, it doesn't matter...whatever you'd like to do is fine...back and forth, back and forth."  On more than one occasion, I've found myself resenting the other person because they chose something I didn't want to do.  Hmmm...whose fault is that? MINE!  Had I articulated what my preference would be, perhaps thats what we would have done!

Old habits die hard.  SERIOUSLY!  So, today I'm going to visit a friend that I haven't seen in quite some time.  It was before the holidays actually and I'm looking forward to our visit.  The plan at this time is that I'll head north to his house because he's been gone for a month caring for his mom who became very ill.  Having had that experience, I know how nice it feels to actually be HOME which is why we planned my visit there. 

Now, Ed has been working really hard to lose weight and he's done an AWESOME job of it! (Which brings me fear...but that's another post for another day.)  I know he's been drinking lots of water, controlling his portions and walking quite a bit.  SO, here's my thing.  I know he just got home but I kinda have some things I want to do today that are up in the Tacoma area.  I feel SELFISH (a word that makes me nauseous...I don't want to be selfish) asking if he'd feel up to going to the Home and Garden Show at the Tacoma Dome.  I figured it might be fun to look around and be a good opportunity to walk. There are some books at Half Price Books I need to pick up, and let's not forget there's a really great quilt shop up that way that has the backing fabric I need/want for the quilt I'm making for the beautiful baby Addisyn that will join this world soon.  Do I mention it?  Ask him if he's up to going out?   Should I offer to bring something to cook?  Offer to take him out to eat?  Why do I let this kind of stuff stress me out?  I enjoy Ed's company...he's kind and seems to be able to speak his mind.  My logical mind says...bring it up!  Ask! Suggest!  He's going to give an honest answer and not do the infamous dance of "whatever YOU'D like." Why do I do this to myself?  UGH 

FIND MY VOICE!

ok...update!  I just sent a text message to Ed.  Suggested the Home and Garden Show.  He said, might work because he had some "things" he needed to get done and he was hoping to "drag me along".  SO, now I know we're going to be out and about so I'll get to make the stops I'd like to do too!  I love that he's willing to speak his mind.  I'm proud that I put it out there....now to let go of the fear associated with asking for what I want.