Afraid to look!

So last week was a GREAT weigh in. Check this out....

That's down 2.6 pounds. BUT I was too afraid to get on the scale this morning after having a week of family, friends, and bad choices. Not only were the choices bad, but portion control was an issue too. Tomorrow I will weigh myself before I head to the gym. Real life is here and not going anywhere so I have to jump right back in.

Tomorrow I'll be sporting my new Body Media Fit armband! Thank you Mikki! It was at the top of my wish list. I anticipate this being another level of accountability and still my weakest point is logging/tracking my caloric intake. New changes, new promises to myself. Gotta get busy to meet my first short-term goal of being 225 by my mom's birthday which is January 30th. It will happen...the only thing stopping me is ME.

Saying Goodbye.....

Tuesday was a difficult day for JaiCie (my Frister)and I. On that day, we had to say goodbye to Charity (chihuahua) and Charlie (a poly-dactyl kitty with lots of machismo). It's fitting that they went on the same day because the were buddies.

I've mentioned before that my frister is an amazing photographer...check this one out!



Charlie spooning Charity...I love it! Check out those toes...

Here's one from today of me with Mr. Mandela the African Grey. He's a sweetie and loves me a LOT...a little toooo much because when he gets excited, he tries to feed me. YES, like mama birds feed their babies. EWWWWWW



Love your fur (and feather) babies....saying goodbye is so hard but know that they LOVE you unconditionally. Be good to them and be as amazing as they think you are!

Disappearing Act...New Goals/Prizes

Ok, you probably thought I disappeared but NOPE...I did not. I just haven't found time at home (where i have access to my photos) to actually get on here and blog. SOOO I decided to blog minus the pictures of the scale. You'll just have to trust me! I'll likely post the photos later just to appease my sense of continuity.

So, Monday the 6th, my weight was 239.4 (down 1 pound) and Monday the 13th I was 237.4 for 2 more pounds down. Yippeeee

Right now, around the holidays I've been realllly thinking about my mom alot. I know she'd be very proud of my progress and I want to make some committments to her and to myself with specific target dates/weight goals. My mom's birthday is January 30 and she would be celebrating her 71st birthday. My goal is to be at or below 225 by then. That's a 12.4 pound loss. It's a lot especially considering the holidays are here but I CAN DO IT. I will do my very best.

My second goal is to be to "onederland" by Mother's day in May. Regardless of when I get to that goal...where I'm consistently less than 200 pounds, I will celebrate and honor my mom by having her beautiful wedding band sized so that I can wear it. It will be a promise ring to myself....a promise to never go back to the 200s.

More later on the emotional day my frister and I had yesterday....

Keeping (a little too...) Busy!

Yesterday I had one of my best workouts with Chris and I felt this great surge of motivation to come everyday and keep the forward motion. I want to start seeing a loss again and that's only going to happen with better eating and MORE exercise. HOWEVER...life keeps getting in the way! I know, it probably sounds like an excuse, but here's what Thurs-Sunday looks like:

Thursday, 5:30am workout with Chris, work 7am to 5 pm, drive to Seattle for a GREAT performance by Straight No Chaser at McCaw Hall with Mikki. They are an amazing acapella group...I tried to insert a link but for some reason I'm not able to do it. Not sure why the link icon isn't working! Google them...it's worth it! "Straight No Chaser - 12 days of Christmas". Anyway, bedtime after the concert was about midnight.

Friday, woke at 4:00 am with a migraine (grrr...but thankful for Maxalt!), worked my day job til noon then lunch with Mikki and JaiCie (thank you for leaving the house when you didn't really want to JaiCie!) then off to job #2 until 11 pm tonight. Just under two hours to go but who's counting! I should get to bed by 12:30 after I get home from work and take a shower.

Saturday - wake up at 5:30am to head north to Olympia...pick up my friend Dick then he, Mikki and I are headed to Seattle where we'll board "The Snow Train" to Leavenworth. It's supposed to be an amazing train ride with a spectacular tree lighting once we arrive in Leavenworth. For those of you from somewhere other than Washington State, Leavenworth is a quaint Bavarian town in the Cascade mountains. It's beautiful this time of year and it's like a little Christmas village! I'll post pictures! We won't get back to Seattle until 10:30 pm so I won't get home until after midnight again!



Sunday - I work from 8 to 12 then home to do what I love! Quilting in my studio. SIGH...Monday morning to the gym to repeat the workout Chris gave me because he wanted me to do it at least once before I see him again Tuesday morning..

HRUMPH....see what I mean about life getting in the way? I keep fantasiznig about having an in home gym (not a crappy quality - but a GOOD treadmill, good mat, bosu ball and free weights (which I have some now). Oooh...remodel idea! I should convert my back deck (it's BIG) to an enclosed sunroom type thing with all that kind of stuff!....dreaming.

ANYWAY...I don't typically do a lot of "going out" type of stuff, it just happens that I've got two things in 3 days. My biggest goal right now is to NOT gain during the holidays.

Post Turkey Day Weigh In

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was very good, filled with family and friends, food, and FUN playing Wii Just Dance 2 and other games. I'm relieved that I didn't have a HUGE gain over the week. My official weigh in...




I'm off to bed in an attempt to nip this cold in bud. I've got Airborne and a pinch of benadryl on board. Maybe I should take a hot bath first...YUP! That's what I'm gonna do. Goodnight all!

Imagine Yourself...a card to myself

I've mentioned in earlier posts that I'm reading (andj working) a book "Throw Out 50 Things"... I've cleared out a LOT of stuff both material things and emotional garbage. Yesterday, I worked on my closet and found lots of crap I could get rid of...AND I found one thing that I truly "needed" yesterday.

A couple of years ago, I mailed a card to myself. Unfortunately, I didn't date it so I don't know exactly what was going on in my life but it's pretty safe to say that I was in a place of change. Yesterday, when I found the card and read it again it was a reminder of how important it is to give yourself that positive reinforcement. Replacing old tapes with new ones...POSITIVE tapes to replace the negative messages that play repeatedly in our brains.

Here's what it says:

Imagine yourself doing what you love and loving what you do,

being happy from the inside out, experiencing your dreams wide awake,

being creative, being unique, being you -

changing things to the way you know they can be -

living the life you always imagined... Wishing you good things today and always.

And here's the what I wrote to myself:

"Experience your dreams WIDE AWAKE!" I love that saying.

Kelly - Don't forget to trust in yourself to know what is right and good. Dream big and know that those dreams are going to be realized through action and faith. Be the person you are meant to be . . . love yourself and continue this exciting journey of change and growth!

I am a strong and confident woman destined for greatness KDR <3

SO, there you have it...whatever that particular journey was at the time is unclear but today this message to myself moves me forward and inspires me to continue this journey...WIDE AWAKE.

Happy Thanksgiving and a Weigh In

Happy Thanksgiving everyone...tomorrow is the big day that lots of people get together and devour tons of food and give thanks for whatever it is they are thankful...if that's really the reason they're getting together in the first place. Often times, the festivities feel obligatory and as the "mom" I want to make sure everyone is included, happy, welcomed, entertained and fed! This year I started stressing about the impending holiday and rather than looking forward to a great day with family and friends, I was worried about what might happen...how will the personalities mesh (or not mesh), who will get embarrassed, or their feelings hurt, or or or. After having full blown panic attacks about it, I was reminded (by Miss Tara) how important it is to stay in the moment. Stop worrying about a day that was still another week away. Also, I'm in control of how my day goes and how I let other people affect me. That friendly reminder was just what I needed. Sounds simple right? It's something I probably would have told someone else but to see it for myself was a different story.

SO, today I was preparing the first turkey to go into the roasting oven (want to have lots of left overs to send home with all the kids and their respective partners) when I realized I was smiling. I wasn't completely stressed out about Thanskgiving anymore...I was looking forward to having everyone here. I bought Just Dance 2 so that we can get a little movement in on the big day. This version allows for up to 8 plays in the team version. FUN...SWEATY SWEATY FUN!

My weigh in this week was good and the TOM weight gain is gone. I've had a loss this week so I'm still hovering around the 240 mark. This week I'm at 238.8 so I'll have to get moving again to get well under 240 in the next couple of weeks.

OH...and I figured out how to angle my camera in order to avoid the bright flash at the number!

Thanks for reading!

Just as I suspected...

I started to work on this post lastnight, but it was not meant to be. We had a huge windstorm that eventually left us without electricity for the night. I thought, no big deal...I'll post in the morning. That wasn't to happen either because part way through the REALLY DARK night (no electricity until this morning) I woke with a migraine and a very painful TOM that made me wish for death! BUT, I will not be kept down and I said I'd post....good or bad...

Well, I said I was dreading the weigh in on Monday. There was a definite gain and that number on the scale made me feel a lot of different emotions.

Frustrated

Disappointed

Irritated

Embarrassed

Mad

But those emotions aren't going to stop me from moving forward. I know that every weigh in won't necessarily be a loss but of course that's the goal. This week it was not to happen and I know it's the result of bad food choices, emotional meltdowns and a couple of anxiety attacks.

I won't give up.

Dreading Tomorrow's Weigh In

I want to start off by saying that I had a great weekend for the most part. Aside from feeling like a cold was coming on, I had a couple of days with my daughter and granddaughter. We had a very productive weekend and we spent most of the time in my quilting studio (which just happens to be where Taylor's toy box is too!) Having had such a great weekend (and not too bad food choices), I'm still dreading tomorrow's weigh in.

I have to be honest with myself and you, my support team by saying that I did a lot of emotional eating this week. One day was particularly bad...to the point of feeling the very strong desire to purge. I've never been one to binge and purge, so this isn't a battle from the past that's rearing it's ugly head....it was a one time thing to date. The urge was so strong (which is strange because I HATE throwing up). I know that I have great resources available to me and I used them (new to me because "I can do it all by myself!" has been my motto for a long time)...anyway, I reached out and a good friend told me that I could go ahead and purge then feel crappy/guilty about both the bad food choice/binge AND the purging process OR I could choose to sit with it and move forward. I chose the latter.

You may recall that a while back I posted about my realization that past weightloss attempts seem to have been thwarted by people acknowledging or complimenting my progress. Because i've been so aware of it, I've been mindful not to let that get to me this time. What I hadn't realized is that *I* was also problem. Early in the week, (the day I wanted to purge) I was driving to work and when I buckled my seatbelt, I noticed something new. My LAP! I could see my lap! Granted, I still have tummy sitting on my lap but for the most part, I HAVE A LAP! I was grinning from ear to ear. I said to myself..."GOOD JOB! You're on your way to being able to cross your legs!" (insert sound effect . . . car screaching to a stop here). I didn't realize it at that time because I really was smiling and happy. But that day, the binging started. Eating everything in sight. I couldn't put my finger on WHY until later. AHHHH I had complimented myself! I hadn't prepared myself to fight off that kind of praise. Maybe because I don't know that it ever happens. Hmmm...something to think about. Anway, acknowledging it didn't seem to provide the same fix as it did with "others" complimenting me. I'm working on it...

I won't go into a list of all the crap I ate...just know that I was definitely doing some emotional eating. There are some issues coming up for me that I hadn't really allowed to the forefront of my mind. Right now, I miss my mom....I want to call her and tell her about the progress I'm making, the "failures" I've struggled with and just hear her tell me that I'm going to be ok, that I can get through this and keep moving forward.

The anxiety I'm feeling about getting on the scale tomorrow morning is giving me a headache and an upset stomach. STOP IT I say...yah, right. Maybe if I head back to my quilting studio, the voices in my head will shut the hell up. You think? Alright, well...tomorrow is a new day and more importantly, this moment is a NEW MOMENT.

Tomorrow starts my new workout schedule. I've decided to make a commitment to do a 5am workout M-Th and do some planned/scheduled physical activity on Saturdays and Sundays too. Friday will be my one "no-exercise" day because I work a VERY long day...8 am to 11 pm between my two jobs. My plan is to keep it fun because I don't want to suffer from burn out.

Alright folks...thanks for listening to me gripe and thanks for continuing to support me through this process. I'll definitely be posting my official weigh-in tomorrow evening...good or bad. It is what it is.

I worked out with TARA!!!

I attended the Washington State Registry of Interpreters for the Deaf (WSRID) conference this weekend and it was great to see so many of my interpreting friends and colleagues. The workshops were good, instructors were great and the committee should give themselves a big pat on the back for all their work.

SO, while in Tacoma for the WSRID Conference, I had the chance to work out with Miss Tara who has been such an inspiration to me in this weightloss journey. For those of you who haven't had the chance to read her blog you REALLY should find the time to do it. Check it out at http://www.263andcounting.com/ - she recently reached her goal weight and her journey to get there has been so intense. I appreciate her willingness to share her story by blogging the ups and the downs.

I joined her at Allstar Fitness where she set up a circuit which consisted of a "Trex" (correct me if I'm wrong Tara) thing where you use your body weight as the resistence to do moves similar to a horizontal pull-up (not sure what the actual term is) and a push up. The next stop on the circuit was straight leg situps with a 10 lb medicine ball from overhead to the feet, followed by a crunch position with knee touches. Next was a step-up (4 tiers high) with an 8lb ball to an overhead position (up and down), then sit/stand ups from the bench with a 10lb kettle bell(ball?). After that we did some work with barbells followed by more kettlebell work. Once going through the whole circuit, we ran over to the treadmill for 5 minutes before returning to the circuit! We did three rounds on the circuit and it was AWESOME. Thanks Tara for taking me through that workout when I normally wouldn't do that while "out of town" for a conference.


SO, to the business at hand...my official weigh in for week 11. I'm almost done with the first quarter of my 45th year (YES, I'm only 44...this happens to be my 45th year on earth...I'll have my 45th birthday next August). Here's what this week's weigh in looked like...

That's 238.8 which is 5 pounds down from last week. I've heard that air travel can affect your weight (which I don't understand) - regardless, I'm happy to have this loss and look forward to what my efforts this week will do to the scale next week!

Overcoming Fear and Accepting Challenges

I've posted that I was terrified of my vacation to Puerto Rico. I know that my biggest fear (that I'll gain all the weight I've lost) was irrational. I was so scared that I'd go to Puerto Rico and be surrounded by great food and have no will power or feel "pressured" to making choices of my past (which did NOT happen). Then on return from vacation that I'd step on the scale, see some sort of gain and have a ton of regrets...yes, there was a gain but NO regrets. That anxiety was gone!

SO, let's see what a week of "real life" will bring for next week!

In the meantime, take a look at this amazing beach! It's Flamenco Beach on Culebra Island...voted the No. 2 Beach in the world according to Discovery Travel Channel. It truly is gorgeous...swimming in the Carribean Sea with fish (and a small stingray! YIKES) was awesome!

And a picture of myself in a bathing suit that didn't totally freak me out. Look at me being brave and posting it here!

Week 8 Weigh In

I'm thankful to have a loss again this week. I'm down another 2.8 pounds and for that I'm pleased yet I have a fear of what challenges I'll face next week. On Saturday the 23rd, I'll be going to Puerto Rico for a week and I'm worried about how well I'll manage my food intake while I'm there. I know there will be healthy options and I do plan to try some of the local specialties (like fried plantains), but it really is going to be about portion control and moderation. Wish me luck! I know how to do this.....right?!

I'll have to figure out why my picture are coming out so dark...next one will be better. I'll be in Puerto Rico next MOnday so my next official weigh in will be the following Monday. I may have to do a pre-trip weigh in on Friday.

Weigh In with Visuals!

So I have finally found some time to post my weekly weigh in for this week. I was a little disappointed that it wasn't a bigger loss but it is a loss. I've been trying to think of how I could continue to show a symbol or visual representation of my weightloss as I go. SO, I bought 5# bags of flour that I will stack as I lose. Here you see that there are 6 bags and the notation of +3 means that I'm down a total of 33 pounds! Next summer when I meet my first goal, I'll donate the flour to the food bank or the local community kitchen. The interesting thing in this little endeavor was how amazing it was to realize how MUCH weight that is. I carried 6 bags of flour in 3 grocery sacks and was SHOCKED at how it felt. I held them and stood on the scale...and there it was. Almost back up to my start weight! Scared the crap out of me and brought tears to my eyes. Then I sat them down...the relief I felt was amazing. How much pain my poor body endured by carrying so much extra. I forgive myself.

Here's another visual concept that I borrowed from Miss Tara's blog (you should definitely read her blog www.263andcounting.com .

I was wearing the size 26 pair last Winter and they were miserably tight. There's no way they'd stay up now without a really tight belt of a lovely pair of suspenders. I'm now comfortably in a size 22 which feels great.

AND, now for the official scale photo...

Those of you who have known me for any length of time, know that I've battled my weight for many years. As I move forward in my weightloss journey, I'm trying to be very mindful of my progress while looking back to previous efforts that have failed.

One trend that I became aware of about a year ago is that once someone acknowledges my weight loss, IT STOPS. As soon as someone says "wow, you're losing weight!" or "have lost weight?" or "Hey, you're looking good...what are you doing to lose weight?" I STOPPED. What was it about those compliments that made me change direction...rather than continuing on to more weightloss, I'd reverse directions and pile it all back on and then some!

As I started this journey back in April, that issue was front and center in my thinking. The visible changes weren't evident until recently and I've been challenged with the "compliments" that have derailed my progress in the past. For about a month or so, people close to me have said they've noticed a difference. They've been hesitant to mention it because they're afraid I'll revert back. I will not.

Yesterday was a real challenge for me because I went to an event where I saw people I hadn't seen in a while. Some of them have been following my blog posts while others had no idea of the changes I've been making. I was barraged with the compliments and at first it was so exciting and then it hit me. FEAR. Fear that this might be the time that the compliments send be tumbling backwards.

SO, by posting this fear...I hope to diminish it's power. I remain commited to my weightloss journey. I'm grateful for the friends and family that continue to support my effort and please know that I will not allow the compliments to send me in the wrong direction. Keep them coming....they will NOT have a negative impact on my progress!

What makes this time different?

The following post is something that Miss Tara shared with me...it's made an impact on me and I read it every single day....every day!!!!

What makes this time different....

You.
You decide.
You walk.
You count.
You struggle.
You try.
You fail.
You cry.
You fight.
You get up.
You succeed.
You keep going.
You don't stop.
You BELIEVE
You ACHIEVE.
YOU WIN.

Remind yourself that YOU are what makes this time different. Keep up the hard work and in the end YOU are the beneficiary of all the effort, blood, sweat, tears....MUCH love to those of you supporting me through this journey as I make this time different for myself!

Week 6 Weigh In

This weekend I had the opportunity to walk a 5K with a couple of friends who were doing their first ever 5K. The walk was beautiful and the company was great. I'm so proud of Janelle and Heidi and they inspire me to keep moving. I definitely plan to go back and try to run the route but the incline was crazy steep!

So, down to the weigh in....Ta Da! I'm down 4.2 pounds this week. I think in part due to the fact that my trainer called me on the itty bitty losses that I was having. Unless I MOVE more than 2 or three days a week, I won't see the kind of results I'm able to accomplish with effort and determination.

What is it about jumping jacks???

I can tell you exactly what it is about jumping jacks...fat rolls and big boobs! That's why I hate them. When I'm doing jumping jacks I forget about all the great things I'm doing for my body (including the jumping jack itself!) and see/feel nothing but the embarrassment of all the "extra" that I'm carrying around with me. I mean...who really wants to be smacked in the face with their own boobs? Alright, sarcasm is a tool I've always used for coping with situations that are uncomfortable so that's why I use it here.

Today, my trainer worked with me in a different way than he has before and he decided to add jumping jacks...he even said "I know you hate jumping jacks" and yet he made me do 3 sets of 30 jumping jacks between intervals of other cardio stuff. I wanted to hate him but he really knows how to move me forward.

On the same note, I was so proud of myself for taking a step aerobics/sculpting class last night. 75 minutes of really great exercise and I was able to keep up with the instructor for the most part. WHY then did I feel completely deflated afterwards? Because I looked at myself in the mirrored wall and saw what I hate most about my body...rolls of fat. I was the biggest person in the room by far, the sweatiest (is that a word?), and I let that image make me sad.

HOWEVER...I didn't let it make me so sad that I wanted to give up. As a matter of fact, instead of heading home after an hour and fifteen minutes of exercise...I grabbed my Kindle from my locker and jumped on a treadmill for another 30 minutes.

I refuse to give up but the reality is that I often find myself sad...sad for my body that I've done so much damage to over the years.

Week 5 Weigh In

I really had a great weekend! It was filled with family and friends, productivity, ACTIVITY and in the end, a small weightloss.

There's truly something to be said for getting rid of clutter...both physical and mental clutter. I'm currently reading a book (and doing the work) "Throw Out Fifty Things. Clear the Clutter and Get Back Your Life". It's a great book and as I do the work I'm amazed to see just how good it can feel to really get rid of useless crap! The space that is left after decluttering brings me a sense of peace and that's what happened this weekend.

Mikki, Ashley, JaiCie and I cleaned out the garage on Saturday. It’s a 1260 sq. ft. outbuilding that is a magnet for CRAP! I used to blame the kids for the mess but guess what?!?! No kids at home means no one to blame but myself! There’s always a reason for leaving something in there…I’ll get to it tomorrow, I don’t know where I’m going to store it yet, I might need it sooner rather than later, it’s still got a use...I just don’t know what yet…ON and ON and ON.

The truth is, that crap…the clutter that takes up physical space in our environment causes emotional chaos and clutter too. By decluttering the environment we surround ourselves with, we allow our hearts and our minds to be open to new ideas, new habits, new expectations of ourselves and those around us. There’s still more stuff out there to be gotten rid of. Old paint cans, fluorescent light bulbs, and a couple of drawers full of tools/nails/screws//// - Those things will go on the next round when I figure out the safest/greenest way to do so.

After cleaning out the garage and having a little while to play with my granddaughter Taylor before she and her mommy headed home, it was off to Little Larch Mountain (JaiCie…correct me if I spelled that wrong) up in the Capital Forest. The view was amazing.

JaiCie is a brilliant photographer (I'll have to get her permission to post some of her pictures in my blog....watch for updates on that!). She took Mikki and I to share a magnificent view. From this place high in the forest, on a clear day, you can see Mt. Rainier, Mt. St. Helens, and Mt. Hood. Saturday was clear enough to see all three. It was a real treat and sharing it with Mikki and JaiCie made it that much more special.

Feeling invigorated from the great decluttering activity and the gorgeous view, I decided it was as good a time as any to get in some exercise! My support team (and that’s exactly what they’ve been) was right there and encouraged me to go for it.

SO, I RAN DOWN A MOUNTAIN! I ran (and occasionally walked) for nearly 4 miles. Granted most of it was downhill….but I RAN DOWN A MOUNTAIN! It was so great. There was a time (as I was getting to the 3.1 mile mark) that I felt this complete rhythm…I didn’t want to stop at the planned 3.1 mile..so I didn’t! I kept running!

JaiCie was driving my car and going ahead then waiting to make sure I still wanted to run…Mikki was my water girl (she’s such a cute water girl!) and I did it! I felt so good about the run and the encouragement from them made it that much more exciting. Today my hips are really sore and my calves have a burn to them. It’s such a different sensation than the muscles affected when running uphill!

Tomorrow morning’s 5:30 am training appointment should be interesting! I hope he focuses on my arms because I suspect my legs will still be “tender” LOL.

SO, here it is….my official weigh in this week. Thanks to those of you who follow and take the time to read. Your continued support and encouragement keeps me moving. There are times that I feel like I'll never win the battle, but I will never give up!

Week 4 Weigh In

Ok, week 4 weigh-in is not what I wanted, but it was not a complete surprise. I've had a gain of 2.8 pounds. I can tell you that my male friends and family may want to stop reading but the truth of it is that when it's "that time of the month" (aka TOM), I become ravenous for red meat and DARK CHOCOLATE. I didn't completely pig out on either but I did make a couple of food choices that could have been better (i.e. portion control and side items). So with an increase in calorie intake, TOM bloat and not enough exercise...the results are the gain.

SO, my goal for next month is to maintain my weight through the TOM phase and be more mindful of the food choices. I hate to post this picture but here it is! It's real life and it's just a marker on this journey of change.

"How much have you lost?"

It's a question I get as people start to notice my pants getting baggy or more noticeable... my face is thinning out. I've hemmed and hawed over how to answer that question because if I go back to my absolute highest weight (which was somewhere around 310) I say "over 40 pounds". If I go to my official start weight noted on my birthday for the purposes of my blog (which was 258.2) I say about 9 pounds. BUT that doesn't feel right because I know it's more than that. SO, I decided to make my official start weight that of the photo I took of my toes (and the rest of me)on the scale back earlier this spring when I first intended to start blogging and never did. SO, here's my official start weight of 277 and the photo to prove it.

Now, when I'm asked how much of I've lost...I have an easy answer 27.8 pounds.

HELP - My Trainer Cancelled!

Ok, so Chris had to cancel our 5:30 am appointments for tomorrow and Tuesday. He said to me...."that doesn't mean you're off the hook! You still gotta come because you know what your'e doing".

I'm battling with my brain again! I'm saying with confidence "Oh yah! I'll be there with or without Chris". The voices in my head are saying shit like...."but you know you're not REALLY gonna go...you could get another hour and a half of sleep!"...or the negotiators voice who says things like..."well, go ahead and sleep in and we'll go to the gym after work".

HELP me be accountable! Who wants to call me on my schedule for tomorrow and Tuesday?

Little Successes Move Me Forward

So many "little things" have happened for me this week that I realized it doesn't always have to be a huge weightloss on the scale to prove that I'm making progress. An example? I was typing at work the other day and saw these little "things" on the backs of my hands...my tendons! I could see my tendons...big deal? Well, no but I can see them!



But wait! There's more....I can now reach places I haven't been able to reach for a while without trying to do some contortionist poses. NOW WAIT.....I mean my TOES! I can now officially cut my toe nails and remove my toe nail polish without having to hold my breath long enough to reach down for one toe at a time! I didn't even realize it until I was finished with the first foot and on the other.



And today, well...today I was able to buy a "belt pack" (which is the name on the label because I absolutely hate to admit I bought a fanny pack) that will go around my waist with room to spare. The reason I decided I wanted a fanny pack (ooh there it is) was during my walk this weekend (which I'll get to in a minute) I realized what I've been missing in the world as I sat on my couch/bed/chair/ASS while the world was happening all around me. I wanted my camera with me. Here's what I saw on my walk:

• I met a fellow morning walker, 62 year old Ed who decided that he wants to stay strong and vibrant for himself and his family. We walked together for about 15 minutes and he could totally keep up with me (of course he was about 6' Tall so he had long legs)! My friends and family say I walk too fast...


• A family of deer about 30 feet from me...grazing.


• A perfectly still Discovery Bay in the early morning sunlight...it was gorgeous.


• A HILL that kicked my ass the first time I walked it about 4 months ago - it was still tough but I made it without thinking I was going to die. I seriously contemplated my fate last time. I don't know how to calculate the grade of the hill, but it's so steep that going DOWN the hill is pretty tiring because you have to really control your speed or you'll go tumbling!
  

So, the walk was amazing and when I got back to my friend's house after a 1 hour serious cardio walk, I took her dog for a one mile walk without hesitation.

The final "small accomplishment" is a slight weight loss which I'll take with open arms. I'm down to 249.2 which is a loss of 1.2 pounds. Let's see what happens next week!

Week 2 Weigh In - It's a loss!

It really was a great week, having time with my granddaughter and ending it with a lot opportunity for creativity. I spent time working in my yard for some physical activity AND finished the quilting on a "Log Cabin" I've been working on for quite a while. The sense of accomplishment is a great feeling and then the weigh in....

I'm down 3.8 pounds (and in need of a pedicure!) and I'm looking forward to my next fitness assessment. I'm hopeful that it will show another loss in inches. That update will come on Thursday.

SO until then I'll share a couple of pics from my quilting adventures. Just finished this quilt(minus the label and binding) for my wonderful neighbor.

My week in summary

Wow...what we plan and what we DO can sometimes be very different things huh? My daughter has been volunteering at Deaf-Blind camp this week so I've been lucky enough to have my granddaughter for the week. I can handle the tasks of daily living, working 2 jobs, exercising, and being a Nammie (Taylor's name for me) and blogging! Turns out I can't! OR more accurately, I didn't. I suppose I could have had I sacrificed one thing or another. ANYWAY, I did blog Monday but the rest of the week has sort of been a blur! Here's what I remember....

Tuesday morning workout with Chris was FUN. He had me doing the typical stuff like lunges with a medicine ball overhead lift down the length of the gym and back, followed by Step Ups with the medicine ball overhead lifts and then...the fun started. He had me glove up and showed me how to jab, punch, uppercut, shin kick and knee kick. Too cool. I've never been one to think boxing would be enjoyable. But I LOVED it. I dont' think I've ever sweat so much when working out with him. Don't get me wrong...he works me out and I sweat but this was so cool...I mean hot...I mean exhausting! There was some DORK there trying to cheer me on - Chris had to ask him to leave because he was causing a ruckus but once that distraction was out of the way, it was really fun.

Wednesday I went with co-workers to Seabeck WA for Deaf-Blind Camp for the day. Because of travel time, I didn't get in a workout. AHHH - as I type this I see myself making excuses for not moving! Granted I was in the car from 5:45 am til 8:30 am and again from 4:00 pm to 6:30 pm BUT what did I do from 6:30 til bed time? Good question...I wasn't accountable to myself for that time. Honestly I dont' even remember what I did but it wasn't exercise. This makes me think of Tara's recent blog about commitment - (check it out at http://263andcounting.com/2010/09/02/commitment

SO, having referred myself back to the concept of commitment and the notion of "kind of" vs. commited to...I am "committed to" a better week starting this second...not Monday, not tomorrow, now.

Thursday was good with another workout session with Chris. This time he had me use a machine that I've been intimidated by since I joined the gym. I typically use the same treadmill or elliptical machines when I go in, which means I get to see the same machine...(insert sound effects here... dun dun dun) the Chin/Dip Assist. Since I was a kid - even during the years that I was a gymnast, I couldn't do a chin up. I've always HATED the idea of having to do chin ups so when that day came in gym class I was mysteriously absent, or hand an injury OR a broken arm in a cast. I SWEAR I didn't break my arm to get out of chin ups!

ANYWAY...when Chris said we'd be doing "that" machine, my heart kinda started to panic a little. I was worried that I wouldn't fit between the bars or I'd not be able to pull myself all the way up OR do the dip and actually bring myself back to the starting position. BUT I was successful. I know it's a little silly because that's why the word "assist" is in the name of the machine because you can set it to an appropriate weight to take your weight and strength into consideration. I think I need to start trusting myself and my trainer to push a little harder.

Friday is my LONG day...I typically work 8 to 12 at one job and then 1:30 to 11 pm at the other...I have to make that my "no exercise day" but tomorrow I'll be taking a walk/bike ride with Taylor before I have to give her back on Sunday.

The other thing that became evident is that I MUST start counting calories to have a better (clearer) understanding of what my intake is so that I can start seeing the results I want.

Thanks for reading my long-winded blog!

Week One Weigh In

Week one and I'm down 4 pounds from last Monday. Of course I'm happy with the loss but part of me feels frustrated because I've been hovering around this weight for a while now. BUT that was before the blog and the ongoing accountability to the people who inspire me. This might sound silly, but I ordered a new scale because I'm not convinced this one is very accurate. It's a lightweight metal, it's several years old and it feels "wonky" everytime I step on it. I can get a weight variance of up to 5 pounds within 3 minutes....drives me crazy! Maybe that's normal but I'm gonna try a new one.

SO...for now this is my working weight 254.2 ...we'll see where I am next week! Maybe I'll weigh on both scales to see how they compare.

Day 6 and LOTS of calories burned

I did it! I ran the 5K and I have a new best time...43:22 is the unofficial time. It was so much fun to see all the families running with their kids and dogs. VERY COOL. I'll be looking forward to getting my fancy schmancy picture that was taken by the event photographer of my finish. I'm really proud of myself...I actually teared up at the finish line. Not sure what that was about but I think it had something to do with pride.

Here's my starting line photo to hold until the finish one is available! You'll see that my pretty princess Taylor was there to send me off on the race. She was wearing her TuTu and carrying her pink sparkly purse.

After the race, we headed to downtown Olympia for Sand in the City. Taylor had a great time playing in the sandbox. We had fun making a mini sandcastle and listened to the Crow Drummers (of which my Frister is a new member). We enjoyed the entertainment and getting sand in our pants didn't completely suck. Lunch at Sizzler for a yummy salad then headed home for......

TREE TRIMMING! My evergreens have been in desperate need of pruning and I decided today was the day to start the project. The first picture shows the work in progess. You can see that the branches were down to the ground which made mowing a real pain in the hiney. SO, I trimmed them all up to about shoulder high. You can see that I'm hidden in the trees trying to finish off the last few trees in this row. Keep in mind I didn't use a chain saw...muscles all the way! There are two more sections this size so definitely more to come!

There were LOTS of branches which is what this second picture shows! SO MANY branches.... they'll make for a nice bonfire in the Fall once the burn ban is off.

SO, there you have it. My day of having fun outside and burning lots of calories in the process. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to follow the blog and provide your input. Goodnight all!

Day 5 and True Inspiration

I started to blog lastnight and wasn't sure exactly what to say. I'm sure it will take some time to get used to the whole idea of blogging but today...I have a very clear reason to blog. I spent a good part of the day helping my daughters move their stuff and get the youngest set up with a bed in her new apartment. As my granddaughter and I start heading home to Rochester (she's staying with me for a week) she says to me..."Nammie, I want to ride my bike!" My heart skipped a beat because Little Miss Taylor (she's 3) is one of the most important reasons I'm on this journey of change and healthy living.

SO, we got home and we donned our helmet and walking shoes...off we went.

Granted, we weren't sprinting but we were Nammie and Taylor out for a walk/ride regardless of a few sprinkles. It's a reminder that I want to experience the joys of spending time with her trying new adventures, experiencing movement, enjoying fitness events together. I dream of her joining me in running someday. That she and I will register for 5K races together and enjoy the excitement of finishing a race.

Tomorrow, she and Mikki will go with me to the 5K in Olympia..."Run Like a Dog" - I registered for the race yesterday and I'll wear this fancy Tshirt with my lucky number 1236! Gonna do it!

When given a choice for dinner, Taylor picked roasted chicken and green beans! I just love that she really enjoys healthy food. Once again, she polished off the green beans first and had some of the chicken breast. My girl loves her veggies. For a "before bed snack" she asked for an apple. Gotta love it! I've said before...if she asks for books, fruits or veggies I doubt I'd ever say no!

Well, off to bed for a good night's sleep.

Day 2 and what my body thinks of caffeine and fat!

As I closed my post lastnight, I announced that I'd made a conscious decision to have beef stroganoff for dinner and CHOCOLATE CAKE in celebration of my birthday. What I neglected to mention is that I'd started my day with an iced mocha (with just a splash of half and half...hmmm - by whose measure?), had a clif chocolate brownie bar for a morning snack, followed by a tuna sub at Subway (one of the highest calorie subs on the menu and this one was premixed with way too much mayo!) and VERY LITTLE WATER.

Before I even went home I was experiencing some tummy trouble but I didn't let that stop me from eating the birthday dinner of choice. The "tummy trouble" led to me cancelling my training session with Chris. I've been sluggish, tired, headachy and overall "icky" today and I have to work until 11 pm. BLEH. I've probably had more diet coke in the last 4 days than I've had in the last 4 months...I can't imagine that's been helpful!

I'm trying to use this as a learning opportunity. It's so obvious that my body had become accustomed to the better choices I'd been making. Choices like at least 96 ounces of water a day, daily physical movement of some sort...a walk on my break time, an aerobics class...SOMETHING. 12 days between vists to the gym is a big NO NO for me.

Because I'm working late tonight (I won't get to bed before midnight), I'll be passing on the gym tomorrow but I'm meeting Tara for a walk after work. That will be my physical activity for the day. I'm hoping I can pull myself back together for the 5K in Olympia. It's the "Run Like a Dog" 5K Run/Walk to benefit the Thurston County Humane Society. I'm pretty much decided that I'll do it although I can't imagine that my time will be anything to write home (or blog) about! But I'll have my family there to route me on...Mikki and Taylor will be at the finish line so I can't leave them hanging for too long!

I'm anxious to get back to feeling great about my choices...is tomorrow when that will happen? NO, I'm determined that it happens NOW actually. I'm on my 3rd big bottle of water for the day. That's a good step right?

363 days to go...what will those days hold? LOTS OF POSITIVE CHANGES, accomplished goals, new challenges...I'm up for it.

Day 1 and Happy Birthday to me!

Well, it's official. I'm 44 years old and today is the beginning of my 45th year of life. It's been an interesting day so far with lots of love and birthday wishes from friends and family. Work was uneventful which is a good thing but it allowed for my mind to meander.

Several times during the day I found my mind wandering and wondering...what is in store for me over the course of the next year? I want to make it different, I want to accomplish things I've not been able to do in the past. Some things are small while others are pretty big.

One silly thing that popped in my mind today? I want to be able to cross my legs when I sit. I don't mean "criss cross applesauce"... I mean really cross my legs, like a lady! Now don't start with the OMG...like a LADY? I know I know...I'm not the most lady like person in the world. My frister calls me crass. I'm not sure why but I suspect it has something to do with bodily noises she finds offensive. Hey! My mom always said "It's better an empty house than a bad tenant!" I have to agree with her.

ANYWAY...This is how I typically sit because I can't actually cross one leg completely over the other. Apparently my panniculus gets in the way. That's the fancy word for my big belly. I learned that when I worked for a plastic surgeon at the impressionable age of 15!

As I mentioned in my first post, I have completed a 5K race, but my goal is to be able to RUN an entire 5K race without walking. It will happen. I'll make it happen and I know I can do it. Time dedicated to the physical work of exercise and training my body to have more endurance will make a difference. I have friends and family that will encourage me but ultimately it's up to me and taking responsibility for my actions. I can do it. This weekend I'll do my second official 5K race and I'm really looking forward to it!

My official weigh in this morning was a little bit of a surprise but it is what it is....my official starting weight...

YUP...that says 258.2 - it's OK, it's up from the 255 I thought it would be but that comes as the result of some self sabotage I did last week. I didn't exercise once. There were a couple of legitimate reasons...and a few no-good excuses. Regardless, the only exercise I had in the previous 7 days was 2.5 hours canoeing on Black River (which was a lot of fun by the way).

I think I should touch on one of the actual reasons...I had a biopsy done because of a slight scare. After the biopsy Monday, I was uncomfortable to put it mildly...that lasted a couple of days but by Wednesday it was just excuses. The good news is that the biopsy came back negative for cancer cells so big sigh of relief there.

I didn't go to the gym today...that was a conscious decision although I don't know why other than pure laziness. Today while walking to Subway for lunch, I realized that I got slightly winded just walking up the steps at work...that had subsided significantly since I'd started exercising a few months ago. It was a wake up call that after merely a week of moving LESS, my body was revolting. As I walked, I was reminded that I LIKE to move. I enjoy the exercise and the feeling my body has when my heart rate goes up and I'm getting fresh air. That's when I got excited about going back to the gym tomorrow. I work out twice a week with Chris. He's a really great trainer that knows when he can push a little harder. I like that about him. I'm looking forward to seeing what kinds of changes will come from an increase in gym activities.

I recently started doing some classes at the gym instead of focusing only on the sessions with Chris and an hour or so on either the treadmill or elliptical. I've tried the step aerobics (it kicked my ASS), water aerobics (which I thought would be lame but WOW what a workout!), and I've done a body works class that is lots of sculpting and ab work. I can't completely keep up but that doesn't mean I'll give up!

Well, my sweet family is waiting for me to present me with one of my favorite dinners - Beef Stroganoff prepared by Mikki...she's so sweet! She made the favorite recipe which is FULL of calories from fat AND she created a low calorie version with ground turkey breast and Greek yogurt instead of sour cream! She loves me....

Just an FYI - dinner will be followed by a piece of decadent chocolate cake from Costco. Also a conscious decision that will be followed by putting the left overs in the trunk of my car to be taken to the savages that I work with. It's amazing how quickly food disappears at my work when you put it out to share. I know, maybe I shouldn't be exposing them to all those calories but better them than me! Let them use their willpower and determination!

A new start and an exciting 365 days ahead.

Tomorrow, August 23, 2010 is my 44th birthday. . . the first day of my 45th year on our lovely Mother Earth. My plan is to journal (or I guess when I do it here it's called blogging right?) through the next 365 days as I move forward in my life with determination.

The last several months, I've made numerous changes to the way I live my life. Exactly six months ago today, I weighed 277 pounds. Having been inspired by an amazing friend to move more and eat less, I've done just that. I've lost about 25 pounds but I'll have a more specific weight tomorrow morning when I start tracking my weekly weigh ins.

I've officially run/walked my first 5K race "Leaping For Literacy", joined a gym, and I'm working with a personal trainer. I've gone canoeing for the first time ever and yet I'm not seeing the changes I want. Stepping back I realize that there are things still happening in my life that are underlying, things people don't see because I hide them...and because of these things, the weight loss has not been as steady as it should be.

I've been a compulsive overeater for a lot of years. I eat from boredom, loneliness, habit.... I have to give myself credit for the positive changes that I have made (my food choices are much different today than they were 6 months ago) and at the same time, acknowledge the changes yet to be made. My hope is that by being accountable to my friends and family (If I'm brave enough to share this with some people) that I'll find the courage to share the good and the bad. I hope to open up about what struggles I face when I'm alone and the refrigerator is calling to me.
I know there is emotional work to be done. I know it in my heart and in my head. The next 365 days will be an adventure...a "life changing journey" as my fruitcup Tara calls it. My life changing journey began in the Spring, but today I decide to share my days so that I can see where change is happening and where it still needs to be.

One of my biggest fears has always been that I would let people down. My plan is to not let myself down...to move forward in this journey to a stronger, healthier, happier person with joy in my heart.

It's my intent that this blog allow me to share my adventures with weightloss, excercise and creativity. By moving more and eating less....I'll find myself working in my quilting studio more often than sitting in front of a TV. That is one of my biggest addictions and one that will be addressed as the days go by. Less TV more creaTVity! (I know, I know . . .it's not spelled right but I'm being creative! LOL)

Thanks for reading!