I can tell you exactly what it is about jumping jacks...fat rolls and big boobs! That's why I hate them. When I'm doing jumping jacks I forget about all the great things I'm doing for my body (including the jumping jack itself!) and see/feel nothing but the embarrassment of all the "extra" that I'm carrying around with me. I mean...who really wants to be smacked in the face with their own boobs? Alright, sarcasm is a tool I've always used for coping with situations that are uncomfortable so that's why I use it here.
Today, my trainer worked with me in a different way than he has before and he decided to add jumping jacks...he even said "I know you hate jumping jacks" and yet he made me do 3 sets of 30 jumping jacks between intervals of other cardio stuff. I wanted to hate him but he really knows how to move me forward.
On the same note, I was so proud of myself for taking a step aerobics/sculpting class last night. 75 minutes of really great exercise and I was able to keep up with the instructor for the most part. WHY then did I feel completely deflated afterwards? Because I looked at myself in the mirrored wall and saw what I hate most about my body...rolls of fat. I was the biggest person in the room by far, the sweatiest (is that a word?), and I let that image make me sad.
HOWEVER...I didn't let it make me so sad that I wanted to give up. As a matter of fact, instead of heading home after an hour and fifteen minutes of exercise...I grabbed my Kindle from my locker and jumped on a treadmill for another 30 minutes.
I refuse to give up but the reality is that I often find myself sad...sad for my body that I've done so much damage to over the years.
Mom,
ReplyDeleteI love you more than words could ever say, your an amazing woman, mom, motivator, nammie, giver, friend, and confidant. You are making amazing changes and it breaks my heart to hear your sad, if i could take that away i would! CHIN UP! your doing awesome!!!
I feel the same way! I can do great things, feel all sweaty and accomplished after a long exercise session, and then see myself in the mirror and just want to cry. it's been 20 years of face-stuffing for me, and breaking that habit is really damn hard. Keep yourself focused. I'll be thinking of you when I'm hot, sweaty, and wondering why the hell I exercise!
ReplyDeleteKelly, you are a beautiful person with so much love to give others, but you must love yourself too. Love that you are making changes in your life, love that by doing so, you will be there for those who love you. And with God... all things are possible, with Him and the Power of Prayer you will get through those tough times.
ReplyDeleteI love you little sister... and don't forget, Dad is rooting for you from Heaven...
Love, Denise
What I am looking at you is you are losing weight. Look at inches you have lost and exercises you have done. You'll be surprised someday that you have lost a lot of cottage cheese. I am still working on my flabby stomach but I am happy my legs look so much better. Again, look at the weight and inches you have lost.
ReplyDeleteMy Frister: There's nothing wrong with feeling sad. It's very appropriate. You're feeling about your body the way you wouldn't allow yourself to before. It's a good cleansing for your spirit. It's a feeling. All feelings have a purpose. Even if you aren't able to see the "why" of it. So, don't let yourself become blind to Any of your feelings. I promise you... the sadness now, will only heighten the joy and pride later!! Saying "goodbye" to the old body... the old way of living... the old way of seeing yourself is a very necessary step on your journey to healthiness. Keep going!! YOU ARE MOST DESERVING of the BEST you you can give to yourself!! You Amaze Me!!
ReplyDelete