Post Turkey Day Weigh In

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was very good, filled with family and friends, food, and FUN playing Wii Just Dance 2 and other games. I'm relieved that I didn't have a HUGE gain over the week. My official weigh in...




I'm off to bed in an attempt to nip this cold in bud. I've got Airborne and a pinch of benadryl on board. Maybe I should take a hot bath first...YUP! That's what I'm gonna do. Goodnight all!

Imagine Yourself...a card to myself

I've mentioned in earlier posts that I'm reading (andj working) a book "Throw Out 50 Things"... I've cleared out a LOT of stuff both material things and emotional garbage. Yesterday, I worked on my closet and found lots of crap I could get rid of...AND I found one thing that I truly "needed" yesterday.

A couple of years ago, I mailed a card to myself. Unfortunately, I didn't date it so I don't know exactly what was going on in my life but it's pretty safe to say that I was in a place of change. Yesterday, when I found the card and read it again it was a reminder of how important it is to give yourself that positive reinforcement. Replacing old tapes with new ones...POSITIVE tapes to replace the negative messages that play repeatedly in our brains.

Here's what it says:

Imagine yourself doing what you love and loving what you do,

being happy from the inside out, experiencing your dreams wide awake,

being creative, being unique, being you -

changing things to the way you know they can be -

living the life you always imagined... Wishing you good things today and always.

And here's the what I wrote to myself:

"Experience your dreams WIDE AWAKE!" I love that saying.

Kelly - Don't forget to trust in yourself to know what is right and good. Dream big and know that those dreams are going to be realized through action and faith. Be the person you are meant to be . . . love yourself and continue this exciting journey of change and growth!

I am a strong and confident woman destined for greatness KDR <3

SO, there you have it...whatever that particular journey was at the time is unclear but today this message to myself moves me forward and inspires me to continue this journey...WIDE AWAKE.

Happy Thanksgiving and a Weigh In

Happy Thanksgiving everyone...tomorrow is the big day that lots of people get together and devour tons of food and give thanks for whatever it is they are thankful...if that's really the reason they're getting together in the first place. Often times, the festivities feel obligatory and as the "mom" I want to make sure everyone is included, happy, welcomed, entertained and fed! This year I started stressing about the impending holiday and rather than looking forward to a great day with family and friends, I was worried about what might happen...how will the personalities mesh (or not mesh), who will get embarrassed, or their feelings hurt, or or or. After having full blown panic attacks about it, I was reminded (by Miss Tara) how important it is to stay in the moment. Stop worrying about a day that was still another week away. Also, I'm in control of how my day goes and how I let other people affect me. That friendly reminder was just what I needed. Sounds simple right? It's something I probably would have told someone else but to see it for myself was a different story.

SO, today I was preparing the first turkey to go into the roasting oven (want to have lots of left overs to send home with all the kids and their respective partners) when I realized I was smiling. I wasn't completely stressed out about Thanskgiving anymore...I was looking forward to having everyone here. I bought Just Dance 2 so that we can get a little movement in on the big day. This version allows for up to 8 plays in the team version. FUN...SWEATY SWEATY FUN!

My weigh in this week was good and the TOM weight gain is gone. I've had a loss this week so I'm still hovering around the 240 mark. This week I'm at 238.8 so I'll have to get moving again to get well under 240 in the next couple of weeks.

OH...and I figured out how to angle my camera in order to avoid the bright flash at the number!

Thanks for reading!

Just as I suspected...

I started to work on this post lastnight, but it was not meant to be. We had a huge windstorm that eventually left us without electricity for the night. I thought, no big deal...I'll post in the morning. That wasn't to happen either because part way through the REALLY DARK night (no electricity until this morning) I woke with a migraine and a very painful TOM that made me wish for death! BUT, I will not be kept down and I said I'd post....good or bad...

Well, I said I was dreading the weigh in on Monday. There was a definite gain and that number on the scale made me feel a lot of different emotions.

Frustrated

Disappointed

Irritated

Embarrassed

Mad

But those emotions aren't going to stop me from moving forward. I know that every weigh in won't necessarily be a loss but of course that's the goal. This week it was not to happen and I know it's the result of bad food choices, emotional meltdowns and a couple of anxiety attacks.

I won't give up.

Dreading Tomorrow's Weigh In

I want to start off by saying that I had a great weekend for the most part. Aside from feeling like a cold was coming on, I had a couple of days with my daughter and granddaughter. We had a very productive weekend and we spent most of the time in my quilting studio (which just happens to be where Taylor's toy box is too!) Having had such a great weekend (and not too bad food choices), I'm still dreading tomorrow's weigh in.

I have to be honest with myself and you, my support team by saying that I did a lot of emotional eating this week. One day was particularly bad...to the point of feeling the very strong desire to purge. I've never been one to binge and purge, so this isn't a battle from the past that's rearing it's ugly head....it was a one time thing to date. The urge was so strong (which is strange because I HATE throwing up). I know that I have great resources available to me and I used them (new to me because "I can do it all by myself!" has been my motto for a long time)...anyway, I reached out and a good friend told me that I could go ahead and purge then feel crappy/guilty about both the bad food choice/binge AND the purging process OR I could choose to sit with it and move forward. I chose the latter.

You may recall that a while back I posted about my realization that past weightloss attempts seem to have been thwarted by people acknowledging or complimenting my progress. Because i've been so aware of it, I've been mindful not to let that get to me this time. What I hadn't realized is that *I* was also problem. Early in the week, (the day I wanted to purge) I was driving to work and when I buckled my seatbelt, I noticed something new. My LAP! I could see my lap! Granted, I still have tummy sitting on my lap but for the most part, I HAVE A LAP! I was grinning from ear to ear. I said to myself..."GOOD JOB! You're on your way to being able to cross your legs!" (insert sound effect . . . car screaching to a stop here). I didn't realize it at that time because I really was smiling and happy. But that day, the binging started. Eating everything in sight. I couldn't put my finger on WHY until later. AHHHH I had complimented myself! I hadn't prepared myself to fight off that kind of praise. Maybe because I don't know that it ever happens. Hmmm...something to think about. Anway, acknowledging it didn't seem to provide the same fix as it did with "others" complimenting me. I'm working on it...

I won't go into a list of all the crap I ate...just know that I was definitely doing some emotional eating. There are some issues coming up for me that I hadn't really allowed to the forefront of my mind. Right now, I miss my mom....I want to call her and tell her about the progress I'm making, the "failures" I've struggled with and just hear her tell me that I'm going to be ok, that I can get through this and keep moving forward.

The anxiety I'm feeling about getting on the scale tomorrow morning is giving me a headache and an upset stomach. STOP IT I say...yah, right. Maybe if I head back to my quilting studio, the voices in my head will shut the hell up. You think? Alright, well...tomorrow is a new day and more importantly, this moment is a NEW MOMENT.

Tomorrow starts my new workout schedule. I've decided to make a commitment to do a 5am workout M-Th and do some planned/scheduled physical activity on Saturdays and Sundays too. Friday will be my one "no-exercise" day because I work a VERY long day...8 am to 11 pm between my two jobs. My plan is to keep it fun because I don't want to suffer from burn out.

Alright folks...thanks for listening to me gripe and thanks for continuing to support me through this process. I'll definitely be posting my official weigh-in tomorrow evening...good or bad. It is what it is.

I worked out with TARA!!!

I attended the Washington State Registry of Interpreters for the Deaf (WSRID) conference this weekend and it was great to see so many of my interpreting friends and colleagues. The workshops were good, instructors were great and the committee should give themselves a big pat on the back for all their work.

SO, while in Tacoma for the WSRID Conference, I had the chance to work out with Miss Tara who has been such an inspiration to me in this weightloss journey. For those of you who haven't had the chance to read her blog you REALLY should find the time to do it. Check it out at http://www.263andcounting.com/ - she recently reached her goal weight and her journey to get there has been so intense. I appreciate her willingness to share her story by blogging the ups and the downs.

I joined her at Allstar Fitness where she set up a circuit which consisted of a "Trex" (correct me if I'm wrong Tara) thing where you use your body weight as the resistence to do moves similar to a horizontal pull-up (not sure what the actual term is) and a push up. The next stop on the circuit was straight leg situps with a 10 lb medicine ball from overhead to the feet, followed by a crunch position with knee touches. Next was a step-up (4 tiers high) with an 8lb ball to an overhead position (up and down), then sit/stand ups from the bench with a 10lb kettle bell(ball?). After that we did some work with barbells followed by more kettlebell work. Once going through the whole circuit, we ran over to the treadmill for 5 minutes before returning to the circuit! We did three rounds on the circuit and it was AWESOME. Thanks Tara for taking me through that workout when I normally wouldn't do that while "out of town" for a conference.


SO, to the business at hand...my official weigh in for week 11. I'm almost done with the first quarter of my 45th year (YES, I'm only 44...this happens to be my 45th year on earth...I'll have my 45th birthday next August). Here's what this week's weigh in looked like...

That's 238.8 which is 5 pounds down from last week. I've heard that air travel can affect your weight (which I don't understand) - regardless, I'm happy to have this loss and look forward to what my efforts this week will do to the scale next week!

Overcoming Fear and Accepting Challenges

I've posted that I was terrified of my vacation to Puerto Rico. I know that my biggest fear (that I'll gain all the weight I've lost) was irrational. I was so scared that I'd go to Puerto Rico and be surrounded by great food and have no will power or feel "pressured" to making choices of my past (which did NOT happen). Then on return from vacation that I'd step on the scale, see some sort of gain and have a ton of regrets...yes, there was a gain but NO regrets. That anxiety was gone!

SO, let's see what a week of "real life" will bring for next week!

In the meantime, take a look at this amazing beach! It's Flamenco Beach on Culebra Island...voted the No. 2 Beach in the world according to Discovery Travel Channel. It truly is gorgeous...swimming in the Carribean Sea with fish (and a small stingray! YIKES) was awesome!

And a picture of myself in a bathing suit that didn't totally freak me out. Look at me being brave and posting it here!